I'm blaaaaack...

well kind of...just wanted to say hi. congrats to obama...not sure if it's true they're going to change the name of the white house.

50 Boiled Eggs Anyone?

When I think of Paul Newman, I don't think of racing or salad dressings. I think of this scene from a great movie, Cool Hand Luke.

"Oh no you didn't!"

Here's a fun commercial for the new video game Mercenaries 2...perhaps you've seen it. Rap lyrics set to children's music...now that's creative.

I want to meet this guy.

Something tells me we would share an appreciation of the same movies and other silliness. I bet even Chad Johnson himself would applaud.

ManLady

My daughter Sarah Catherine and I were walking through Wal-Mart (goin' over to tha' walmarts!), to purchase a mouthpiece for Matthew...when out of the blue appeared some type of human being...exactly what type I'm not sure.

Was it a man (he rocked a beard and hairy legs)? Was it a woman (she wore long hair, girl clothes, and sported breasts)?

Needless to say, SC and I were confused. So we came up with the term "manlady."

Even though I'm not a fan of Aerosmith, this song came to mind.

Please pass the guacamole (later I'll pass gas).

One of the constants at the doctor's office where I work is the incoming of drug reps, usually 4 daily. Once a week they bring food from a local restaurant, such as Logan's or Jason's Deli. Today it was Rosie's Mexican Cantina (mmmmm). I look forward to those days.

A few weeks ago, one of the patients was checking out, and saw a drug rep come in. She remarked that her son-in-law used to do that...I don't think she thought much of him! She said drug reps are really just "caterers." I thought that was funny. I just hope they keep on keepin' on! More enchiladas, please.

"I used to live in Mobile!"

These were the words of a girl/woman seated behind me at the Billy Bob Thornton/Boxmasters concert at Merrimack Hall Friday night. Billy Bob had mentioned they played Mobile the night before, and that they were rowdier than our Huntsville crowd. This girl was out to prove him wrong, I suppose.

My girlfriend Karen and I were the benefactor of her brother and his wife not being able to go to the concert. We enjoyed ourselves. The Boxmasters play in a Rockabilly style, and dress (for the first half of the show anyway), like a bunch of Buddy Holly's...pretty cool.

The singing (Billy Bob's role) was alright, and the band was good, especially the drummer. Since I play the drums in my garage from time to time (pay no attention to the spider webs connected from my snare drum to my crash cymbal), I was enamored with the drummer, and I couldn't help but dream of playing in a rock band myself.

But I must say, the overwhelming thought throughout the night, was that I was in the presence (about 20 feet away!) of a man who had been married to Angelina Jolie and had enacted a steamy love scene with Halle Berry in Monster's Ball (a compelling movie, btw.) Had I the chance, I would have liked to ask BBT if he still had the vial of Angelina's blood in his possession.

Sore Backside

I ride an exercise bike daily for about an hour. It makes my rump sore. Monday and Tuesday I'm okay...by Wednesday I'm starting to feel it...and by Thursday and Friday it hurts. Saturday and Sunday I take a break from riding, so the butasm recovers, only to begin the "cycle" again the next week.

I hope I've remedied the problem. I bought some padded bicycle pants, that should comfort the sensitive portions while I grind out my morning routine.

The Summer of George

I'm George, at least I'm called that by my girlfriend's best friend, who doesn't want to call me Jeff because of her ex-husband of the same name. (How is that my fault Anjaaaaayyy?).

Seriously, I dig the name "George." You see, George Costanza is a role model of mine, willingly or unwillingly. I am a Seinfeld afficianado (at least I consider myself to be), and I've noticed that most of my favorite episodes revolve around Georgie-boy. One of my favorites is the Frogger episode, in which George purchases an old Frogger machine on which he still has the high score after many years. In another one, George receives three months severence pay from the Yankees. He proclaims the upcoming months to be "the summer of George."

That's also what I'm calling my summer this year. Here's a tribute to ole Georgie C. Here's another clip: George's answering machine message (while screening calls to avoid having his girlfriend break up with him).

The Fogger

Here's hoping the above product rids my home of fleas (and spiders too).

The kids and I left town today for our extended family's annual week in Hilton Head. On my way out the door, I set off two foggers.


Our youngest cat, Simon Aurelius Peter McClendon IV, seems to have brought in a few fleas. There still are just a few, but I don't want it to get out of hand. Karen convinced me to set off the bombs. So I covered half the house in sheets and blankets, set off the foggers, and drove for 6 hours. I've got 2 1/2 more to go tomorrow.

Got Matsui!

Hideki Matsui, proudly drafted in a fantasy baseball scene in Knocked Up.

There's a funny scene (one among many) in Knocked Up where a wife thinks her husband is cheating on her, so she follows him to a mysterious address. She sneaks in the house, preparing to catch him in the act, but when she flings open the door, she finds him sitting in an Orioles jersey with 20 other dudes drafting players for fantasy baseball. Not amused, the wife walks out. "Got Matsui!" the husband cries, hoping to win back his wife's affection. (It didn't work.)

Last year, I played in only one league of Fantasy Baseball. This year, I'm in three (fortunately my girlfriend doesn't mind...she even plays with me in one of them). Last year, I won my league going away. This year, I've got some catching up to do. All three leagues are ten team leagues, and I am in 3rd, 5th, and 6th places.

In one league, Pops and Karen are also playing, and they are #'s 1 and 2 in the standings. I can't let my girlfriend beat me (can I?).

Anyway, I love playing fantasy baseball.

Another little fantasy baseball thing I'm doing is on mlb.com. It's called "Beat the Streak," the object being to choose a player every day, in hopes that your chosen player will get a hit. If you beat 56 games in a row (Joe DiMaggio's MLB record hit streak), you win a million bucks! So far, my longest streak is 6, but I'm still trying. Someone got up to 39 games...that's the longest streak so far this season. Haven't picked Matsui yet; maybe I should...

Of Brats and Weiners

Karen, her kids, and I had a nice Memorial Day on Monday. We finished the grill-work before the rains came, then enjoyed the good eats (my apologies to Alton Brown).

The plump brats and polish sausages were scrumptious, topped with a creamy cole slaw. If I recall, a few bottles of fine ale were also consumed.

(Thanks Karen, for purchasing only the finest ales and stouts in the land!)

Back to the daily grind!

So sue me, I took a break from blogging.

"I'm blaaaaaaaaccckkk..."

South Beach, Miami, Florida

Okay, I know it's been a while since I've blogged, but, in the words of the immortal (and hilarious) Chris Rock, "I'm Blaaaaaacckkk."

Speaking of Chris Rock, I was reminded today of Allen and my trip to Miami four years ago. In one of the most spontaneous acts I have ever entered into, my cousin and I drove (yes DROVE) from Huntsville, Alabama to Miami, Florida. That's 851 miles. It takes about 5 hours to get to my parents home in southeast Alabama; Orlando is about 7 hours from there; and I remember seeing a sign in Orlando that read something like: MIAMI 282 miles.

At the time, my life needed a bit of a kick start, so off we went. I went down there with long hair (what I had left), and returned with a shaved dome. Allen and I had some memorable moments down there.

Some of the more memorable:

• Eating dinner the first night down there. We ate at a local Denny's; the waitress came out, flashing her gold teeth, and piercing my fluffy pancakes with her long and grimy fingernail. I almost hurled.


• Sleeping till noon every day.


• Watching Chris Rock's Never Scared on HBO. "Kracky Kremes" anyone?


• Cruising the main drag in my Accord (not exactly a sportscar, but it got the job done), listening to Depeche Mode's Violator. (It was hearing a song from that album today that jogged my memory).


• Eating more than once at Rascal's Deli. Allen ate bizarre dishes like Beet Bortsch, while I dined on Rueben's and the like. They had delicious pies with 6 inch meringues.


• Walking and visiting shops in South Beach. Beautiful people everywhere. Did we fit in? That's not for me to say...


• A couple of other clandestine stops we made (all in fun).


• Also, we made a few other stops along the way: Tallahassee, Jacksonville, St. Augustine...nice towns, all.

Feel free to add any other memories copus...

Three Forgotten Songs

I have XM Radio in my car, which allows me to listen to all kinds of music, and, of course, every Major League Baseball game during the season ("Read my lips...every game."--love that commercial where Big Papi says that in his Dominican accent.)

My favorite XM stations are 80's, 90's, Highway 26 (a combination of 90's and newer rock), XMU (music cool enough for the college kids), and Verge (alternative breakout type artists)

Some of my favorites I re-heard for the first time in a while recently are:

"Beds are Burning", Midnight Oil, 1987 (I remember watching MTV for hours straight waiting to see this video...if only we'd have had the internet and youtube back then!)

"Major Tom", Peter Schilling, 1983 (very cool science fiction type song about a spaceship in outer space...love the line, "Send my wife my love...")

"The Middle", Jimmy Eat World, 2001 (good message for the kids and all of us!...just be yourself, don't worry about what others think of you!)

I hear a lot of good new music on XM. And I always love hearing the old favorites.

Oh, I almost forgot this gem from the 80's...so nice. (Back off haters!) I heard it yesterday on the way home, and sang it loudly driving on a busy Parkway, embarassing myself...but who cares?

Back from the Beach

The Southeastern U.S.' largest ferris wheel...at The Wharf at Orange Beach, AL...we rode it!

Karen and I recently returned from Orange Beach. In addition to sunning on the beach, outlet shopping, and internet surfing in the hotel room, we ate at some tasty establishments. Our choices were as follows:

Night 1, Mellow Mushroom (pizza with garlic based sauce, topped with cheese, mushrooms, onions, and sausage...was great, but was a bit cold, since we ate it in the hotel room after checking in).

Night 2, Cosmo's (new trendy mid-price range place, very popular with the locals...we had some spicy shrimp for appetizers, followed by a delicious mahi sandwich (mine was blackened perfectly) topped with some tasty remoulade...also tried polenta for the first time...this was a great place, to which we shall return).

Night 3, Niki's (one of the local favorite "dive"-type seafood places...we had all you can eat fried shrimp, hush puppies, fries, and slaw...it was a belly buster, but damn good).

Night 4, Lambert's Cafe (this is the famous home of "throwed rolls"...that's right, servers walk about and throw hot rolls at people who want them. The portions of food are huge...I had a one lb. hamburger steak smothered in gravy, mushrooms, onions, and peppers...Karen had a large burger...very crowded place, and good for a change, if you need, from the seafood).

We also went bowling, and saw the new Judd Apatow (he of 40-Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up fame) flick Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It was an entertaining comedy/romantic comedy, with many funny moments. After Karen and I left the Rave Theater, we hopped on what they told us was the highest ferris wheel in the entire southeastern U.S (pictured above). It was huge. After that fun ride, we fled The Wharf quickly, to avoid the droves of Widespread Panic fans congregating for a special concert. (Neither one of us likes Widespread Panic at all, so we vamoosed to Niki's (see Night 3 above).

Now it's "back to life, back to reality." I went to the grocery store today, buying, among other items, habanero peppers, some of the hottest known to man. I can't wait to slice and dice them and load them onto my chicken quesadillas! Oh yeah, I also made this lemon meringue pie, which turned out very well. Mmmm, it's tasty!

Boring Masters

I don't watch much golf any more, since I don't play any more, but I do keep an eye on the final rounds of major tournaments, like the Masters, which was yesterday. I have to say, it was the most boring final round of a major I've ever seen. Even my dad agreed. No drama. No comebacks. Just boring golf.

Oops!

Go HERE for my latest blog post on the band Cake

Sorry Karen

For reasons I won't go into here, my girlfriend Karen despises Sarah Silverman. But the fact remains: she's hilarious. She's irreverent and cutting, and damn funny. I'm watching Jesus Is Magic now. Funny gal.

(And I can tolerate her brother Jonathan too...he was in the hilarious Weekend at Bernie's yarns.)

Top 5 Weird Movies

Malcolm McDowell drives home the weirdness in Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange.

I like weird movies...films that push the envelope, force you outside of the box, and are, basically, downright strange. I've seen quite a few weird movies. Here are my top five. Check them out if you dare!

1. A Clockwork Orange

2. Eyes Wide Shut


3. The Machinist


4. Requiem for a Dream


5. Pulp Fiction





These are not necessarily in order. But they all have one thing in common...weirdness...okay two things...they're also damn good movies. There are other movies that I could possibly classify in the "weird" category, but I've got other places for those.





You might recognise that two of the movies, A Clockwork Orange and Eyes Wide Shut, are by the same director, Stanley Kubrick (R.I.P.) (he also did Full Metal Jacket and The Shining). The Machinist is a mind-bender starring Christian Bale and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Requiem for a Dream stars, among others, the beautiful Jennifer Connelly. Pulp Fiction is a phenomenal movie all the way around (I love Samuel L. Jackson in it: "Mmmm...That is a tasty burger.").

Have you seen any of these bizarre gems? Post a comment on them. Taanks.

Hardees Burg's

A new eating establishment opened yesterday in my little community just outside of Huntsville. It was a Hardees. I know...that doesn't sound like anything exciting on the surface, especially since we already proudly sport a Taco Bell/KFC, Subway, Domino's, and a few non-chains. But there are a couple of factors that excite me about this new Hardees.

One, it is the only burger place nearby. I love Taco Bell, but there are times when a man wants a good burger, right? And they have them. I think their burgers are higher quality than the typical chains'. Angus beef, fresh toppings, gourmet size...I had a Jalapeno Thick Burger yesterday, and it was pretty solid.

Two, this Hardees is easily accessible to me...I don't have to get out on the busy "four-lane," to use a term from my youth and small home town. I can get in and out of there in a hurry.

Three, the restaurant is nice...looks more like a diner than a burger chain usually does. Inside (although I will probably rarely eat on the premises) are two flat screen tv's, showing ESPN or the like.

I remember, when I was 15 or 16, my hometown of Headland, Alabama procured it's first "real" chain restaurant, also a Hardees. The excitement was rampant in the town. It's not that same level of excitement with our new Hardees, but it is nice.

See ya at Hardees! Tell 'em to fire up the grill!

No Joke...That's His Name

He's the number 1 prospect in the Tampa Bay Rays (not Devil Rays any more) organisation, an upstart in fantasy leagues this year, and hands-down the favorite to win American League Rookie of the Year honors. His name? Evan Longoria. Not to be confused with this person of similar name, Evan has probably heard no end of joking about his name.

Is Evan the love-child of the Desperate Housewives star and her NBA husband, Tony Parker? Could he be a long lost twin brother of Eva? Or juicier still, is Evan actually Eva's alter ego? Could Eva be a beautiful actress as well as a cross-dressing, talented Major League third basemen?

I have two fantasy drafts this Saturday...I'll be watching for Evan...although I'd rather be looking at Eva.

BBC shows

I've grown fond of BBC America lately. They have some really cool shows. One of my favorites is Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, which has Chef Ramsey putting the whip to fledgling, failing restaurants across Europe. He has a version of this show in America on Fox; it's good, damn good, but not quite as good as its BBC counterpart. On BBC he has less restraints, and can see a few choice curse words (plus he uses the term "bollocks" quite liberally, and to my liking). In the clip linked above, he also calls someone a "cantankerous old fart" in a beautiful Scottish brogue.

You Are What You Eat is a show about overweight, unhealthy citizens of jolly old England...how awful their current diets are, and what changes they need to make.

Some older shows from BBC include Coupling and The Office, which preceded the American version. Look, I love Steve Carrell and the American version of the show, but Ricky Gervais and company are brilliant in the BBC version. If you have Netflix you can rent it. It's damn good.

Happy watching...

Fantastic!

Spring training is fully underway, which means the real baseball season is nearly underway, which means all is right with the world again! It also means fantasy baseball is back!

So far, I've registered for three leagues...one of them had its draft tonight. I drafted pretty well, I think. With the fourth pick overall, I chose New York Mets Shortstop Jose Reyes in the first round. He provides a high average, gobs of stolen bases, lots of doubles and triples, and a decent number of home runs. Other highlights on my roster include Ryan Howard, Brandon Phillips, and Josh Beckett. Here's my complete roster.

I have two other leagues yet to draft. Karen and Pops will join me in one of them. I thought about using a silly team name like the Cuban Raft Riders, but instead I went with more traditional names...except for one league, in which my team is The Evil Empire, a name sometimes used to describe the Yankees.

I hope to be a fantasy champion...if I am, all my dreams will come true!

Simpler Days

Reading Seinfeld and Philosophy, I came across the following quote from the 19th century existentialist philosopher Soren Kierkegaard:

"one should in spite of mature years, be able to prove the truth of the proverb that children are pleased with a rattle and tickled with a straw."

Oh, the days when a simple rattle mollified the spirit!

Oscar-Winning Movies

I watched more of the Academy Awards Sunday night than I have ever watched. (Yes, I'm aware that most pundits maligned it as one of the worst Oscars ever.) Of the movies that were up for anything, I had only seen Juno, which I thought was a good little film. Of course, Best Picture honors went to No Country for Old Men. I haven't seen it, largely because I don't see many movies when they're current. Rather, I wait for them to come out on DVD. Ain't Netflix great?

There was an interesting segment (I think they do it every year) where all "Best Pictures" were shown. Here's a list of all the Oscar winners for Best Picture. I have seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Rocky, Chariots of Fire, Terms of Endearment, Rain Man, Driving Miss Daisy, Silence of the Lambs, Schindler's List, Forrest Gump, Titanic, American Beauty, Gladiator, Million Dollar Baby, Crash, and The Departed. (Wow, that's more than I thought I had seen!)

I have seen portions of Gone with the Wind, Ben-Hur, The Sound of Music, Patton, The Godfather, The Sting, and A Beautiful Mind.

Those are all good movies, to be sure. All of them are worth watching a second, third, or fourth time. But my favorite three of them would have to be:

1. Crash (moving, superbly acted, beautiful film)

2. Terms of Endearment (looking for a good cry? here it is on a silver platter...)

3. American Beauty (mid-life crisis anyone? kevin spacey, chris cooper, thora birch...all excellent)

What's your favorite "Best Picture"? Vote to the right --->>

Shaved Feet

These are not my feet, nor are they shaved. Perhaps they should be.

Have you ever shaved your feet? I did, tonight. Not sure why, the thought just occurred to me, and I decided what the hell? There's not a lot of hair on my feet anyway. If having a smooth foot becomes a problem, the hair will of course grow back.

5 of My Favorite Songs February 23, 2008

If someone ever asks me what my favorite song is, I look at them with a puzzled expression. How can you name one favorite song? Or movie? But I was thinking, it would be fun to run down a few songs I like and have been listening to a lot lately. So here goes:

1. Milk, Kings of Leon
2. Less Talk, More Rokk, Freezepop
3. Nuthin' but a G Thang, Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg
4. Heart-Shaped Box, Nirvana
5. Today's the Day, Aimee Mann

More pies

I love pies...but I also love fitting through doors. Therefore, this coconut pie (possibly my favorite type of pie) will be my last one for a while.

De-pantsed

Today I had the pleasure of dropping trou at the doctor's office, for a cat scan. Actually it was pretty modest. I had a sheet over me for the cat scan, and a hospital gown for the x-ray. My doctor thinks I may have a kidney stone or two; thus the scan. I'm hoping all is well, but I should know for sure in a day or two.

I can confirm that I am human, though, having seen my x-rays, showing a pelvis, hip bones, and spine. I have a skeleton! High fives!

Now if I could only get my adapter to charge my laptop...

12 Angry Men

Last week I saw the classic movie 12 Angry Men, starring Henry Fonda. I heard about this old flick from my friend Paxton, who enjoyed it.

Nearly the entire movie takes place in a small room populated by, you guessed it, twelve angry men. These men are jurors in a murder trial. A young man's life hangs in the balance, after he's accused of murdering his own father. The evidence is all circumstancial, but it all points decidedly at the son. At stake? The young man will face the electric chair if found guilty. But the verdict must be unanimous.

It looks to be an open and shut case, with a brief jury deliberation. As the initial vote is taken, the first eleven, one by one, confirm their "guilty" opinion, and I'm wondering if this may be the shortest movie in the history of life. But, of course, there is a dissenter, played by Fonda. He asks questions, casts doubt, and opens the eyes of the other jurors. There are many tense battles, as evidence is reconsidered, and alternate possibilities explained.

It's a good, not a great, movie. One of my favorite themes that permeates this film is this: it's important, vital, to keep an open mind, even in the face of seemingly indisputable evidence to the contrary. It's okay to doubt, to ask questions, and not be certain of the answers. That theme comes through loud and clear in this film. It's worth a viewing. I'd give it 3.5 out of 5 stars. Here's the trailer.

Yesterday's Theatrics

I watched with rapt attention, the entire 4 hour, 42 minute congressional hearing regarding Roger Clemens' alleged steroid use. It was anything but boring. Clemens, separated from his newest arch-enemy Brian McNamee by a man that might as well have been a potted plant, came out firing. He staunchly affirmed his innocence, forcefully denying having ever been injected by the aforementioned Mr. McNamee with HGH (that's Human Growth Hormone for those of you who live in underground holes).

As a Yankee fan, I have tended to side with the Rocket, until yesterday. His loud protests notwithstanding, McNamee's case is more credible. Sure, McNamee is a liar, and admitted many of his falsehoods yesterday, but in THIS case, in THIS instance, the evidence is on his side. Chuck Knoblauch (the man who once struck Keith Olberman's mom in the head with an errant throw) and Andy Pettitte [who decided to come clean out of respect for "god" (yeah sure, whatever you say Andy)] both admitted that McNamee had injected them. The fact that Clemens admired Pettitte and praised him as extremely honest, actually served to discredit Clemens, since Andy had spilled the beans to authorities about previous conversations with Roger concerning HGH injections. Throw in a barbecue at Jose Canseco's place, and Roger's wife Debbie offering that she took HGH, and you have a real circus.

I loved watching Roger pitch. Regardless of the allegations, he is still one of the top ten pitchers ever to play the game. But his reputation is gone. And he likely will never see Cooperstown unless he buys a ticket.

We'll miss you, Roger. I hope I'm wrong and McNamee was lying all along. At any rate, here's a tribute.

I'm Sick

One of the most annoying sicknesses to contract, in my humble opinion, is the common cold. It bogs me down for a good couple of days. Step it up immune system!

Georgie Boy returns!

Yesterday Karen took me out to lunch. I was prepared to pay my share, but she stepped up to the plate and picked up the tab. (Thanks Sweetie!) Now I feel like George in Seinfeld, in "The Money" episode.

In that episode, George orders a pound of coffee, then has to use the bathroom. While he is indisposed, his order is ready, so Elaine pays for it out of convenience. After Elaine leaves, the following conversation ensues:

GEORGE: You see what just happened here?

JERRY: What?

GEORGE: She treated me to the Arabian mocha java.

JERRY: And you misinterpret this how?

GEORGE: She's stickin' it to me that she makes more money than me.

JERRY: I'm sure she was just being nice, buying you the coffee.

GEORGE: No, not nice. She's stickin' it to me.

JERRY: You're crazy.

GEORGE: (worked up) Stickin' it to me, Jerry.

JERRY: George.

GEORGE: (angry) Stickin' it!

Not willing to let it go (George never is ready to let things go). So he goes out and buys her a fancy cappuccino machine, then presents it to her with much fanfare, saying proudly, "Elaine, thank you for laying out for the Arabian Mocha Java."

Thank you, Karen, for laying out for the Korean buffet! By the way, would you like a cappuccino machine?

I KNEW it! I'm a prophet.

Reading a book this morning, I came across the following anecdote:

A little boy says to another boy, "When I grow up I am going to be a great prophet; I am going to speak of profound truths, but nobody will listen." And the other little boy says, "Then why will you talk, if nobody is going to listen?" "Ah," he said, "we prophets are very obstinate."

I'm usually the first boy...though sometimes the second.

Oops

I guess somebody forgot to tell the Gee-men that the Pats were to be coronated on Sunday night.

Happiness

When the name George Burns is mentioned, immediately an image pops into my head, of the funny man playing the role of deity in Oh, God, which I remember watching with my parents. I also think of his black glasses and cigar. He was also known to make witty (and one might argue, profound) statements. The incomparable Burns once defined happiness:

"Happiness is having a large, close-knit, loving, caring family...in another city." Taanks George.

Lime War II

(For Lime War I, see Cousin Nat's post: http://ramblingsofasouthernsocialite.blogspot.com/2008/01/pie-by-any-other-name.html).

I've made two lime pies in the last couple of weeks. The first (pictured here) was made with common, Persian limes. These are the limes you are familiar with, the ones you've seen next to the lemons on the produce aisle for years. They're about the size of a lemon, just green instead of yellow. The second pie, was a "real McCoy" (to quote Cousin Al) Key Lime Pie. I was surprised to find these limes at the local Publix. They came in a little net-style bag, about 20 to a bag. And I used around 15 of them for my pie.

The Key lime is neither original nor unique to the Florida keys. Information from about.com indicates that the Key Lime actually originated in the Indo-Malayan region, before making it's way to Palestine and Mediterranean Europe. It traveled to Spain, before some guy named Columbus brought it to Haitian soil...from there it migrated northward to Florida. And today most Keys are grown in Mexico. A "true" Key lime, then, has nothing to do with where it is grown (be it Jerusalem, Madrid, Port-au-Prince, or Key West, but rather, the type of lime that it is.) If location of production was "key," (pun intended), I guess Jerusalem might be the original. Taaank ya, Jesus!

Jesus (aka Key) Limes are reputed to be sweeter (holier) than their more tart Persian counterparts. But that's only if you allow the Jesus's to fully ripen to a yellow color. If you juice (crucify) them when greener or yellow-green, they are more tart, which probably explains why Jesus Lime and Persian Lime Pies taste the same. (By the way, that gives me an idea for the third phase of my experiment...letting the Keys get fully yellow before juicing (crucifying) them. Maybe that will sweeten (resurrect) the taste. If nothing else, it's another Key Lime Pie to devour!)

If you like the idea of using Jesus Key Limes in your pie, grab 'em (begin worshiping)! I probably will, now that I've found them in my local Publix (Cathedral). But if you can't find them, it's no heresy to choose the non-Jesus (Devil?) variety...in fact, I dare say even Jesus would approve of the Persian Lime!

And if you find the rare black lime...give that a shot, too (it's not evil). Don't expect it to look as pretty in a pie, though. Oh yeah, don't forget the meringue, and that extra lime zest on top...that's enough to sweeten (resurrect) even the most tart (sinful) of pies!

The Prolific Steve Buscemi

This guy does it all: he's an actor, writer, producer, director. You've seen him as Tony Blundetto in The Sopranos, as the crazy cross-eyed friend of Longfellow Deeds (played by Adam Sandler) in Mr. Deeds, and as the homeless Egg McMuffin loving friend in Big Daddy. (He even had a brief role in the great Pulp Fiction.

But he's also a director and producer. A very underrated movie, Lonesome Jim (starring the underrated actor Casey Affleck), was directed by Buscemi. I'm adding this movie to my faves in my profile.

Here...check out all his credits from imdb.com: http://imdb.com/name/nm0000114/#director. Here is "Crazy Eyes" in Mr. Deeds...funny movie: http://youtube.com/watch?v=OaExAJItfno.

Strawberry Jam

Ah, the simple pleasures of life...sleeping in, sitting by a crackling fire with a good book or a good movie, and slathering strawberry jam onto a hot buttered biscuit. As flavors go, grape is alright, if that's all you have. But there's no beating strawberry jam in my book of jam flavors.

GO G-MEN!

Let me take this opportunity to share that I'll be pulling hard for the New York Jints in Super Bowl XLII. The Pats are good...damn good, in fact; but I don't want them going undefeated. They are excessively arrogant. I admit it...I want to see them fall on their faces.

In my humble opinion, I think the Pats are ripe for a beating. They've had some close games this season; indeed, the Giants themselves almost beat them a few weeks ago. I look for the New Yorkers to continue their red-hot ways and end the New Englanders' hopes for perfection.

(I wish no ill will toward Heath Evans, starting fullback for New England, and former Auburn star. May he be the only bright spot for his team.)

Go G-Men!

"No soup for you!"

Listening to Mike and Mike on ESPN Radio this morning, I heard an interesting story. With the New York Giants visiting the "frozen tundra" of Lambeau Field in Green Bay this weekend (by the way, current highs are projected at 6 degrees), the Packers are looking for any edge they can find.

Apparently, they're worried a bit about the white-hot Eli Manning, who in addition to back-to-back stellar playoff performances, may also be "intercepting" Jessica Simpson from Tony Romo (see previous post below). So what are the fine people of Green Bay doing to distract Manning? Well, since Eli enjoys Seinfeld, the local station that airs the re-runs is pulling it off the air Saturday night. How cruel is that? I'm definitely pulling for the Giants now.

"Serenity now!"

Poor Tony Romo

I honestly feel bad for the Cowboys' Quarterback. He had a great "sophomore" season in Dallas, found himself a nice looking girlfriend along the way (Jessica Simpson, you might have heard), enjoyed a nice vacation to Mexico at his tearful and supportive teammate Terrell Owens' expense, then comes back and leads his Cowboys team to a first round loss at home. It was the first time in the current playoff format that a number one seed has lost in the first round.

To make matters worse, it appears from the photo that the lovely Simpson has exchanged her love of Romeo...excuse me, Romo...for that of the victorious quarterback, Eli Manning of the Giants. Damn, women can be cruel.

Frankenstein and Other Monsters

Have you ever seen a person who resembled a monster? Recently my coups (aka cousin) Allen shared a photo of his father, my uncle. In the picture, he was a teenager, and looked a bit like Frankenstein. His skin was not green, no bolts jutted out of his neck, but something about his movements reminded me of ole Frank. Was he emerging from a dark cave or dungeon? You be the judge.

Favorite Toilet Activities

What do you like to do on the toilet, besides, of course, the obvious? When taking a Nick Saban, do you like to read? What kind of books? Machiavelli's The Prince or something humourous? Or do you read newsletters, mail, or magazines? Have you ever taken your laptop to the throne? It's not a bad way to pass time (while passing waste). Think of all the emails you can send, or bills you can pay, or tetris games you can play!

In short, why not make your private time in the thunderbox productive time?

Make sure to vote for your favorite activity in the john...there on the right -->

Practice, man...we talkin' 'bout practice...

Just this morning I revisited one of my favorite all-time youtube videos, the Allen Iverson presser where he responded to criticisms about missing practice. It makes me laugh every time. And I see his point: I mean, what's more important, "practice," or a "game?" Perhaps you agree. Which word do you think Iverson used more often in the video, "game" or "practice?"

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FUYjD7A75HQ

iPod and Ear Plugs

Yesterday I was pedaling away on my exercise bike, listening to my iPod (Safety Dance by Men Without Hats was on I think). The volume seemed a bit loud, so I thought to myself..."I should grab my ear plugs." Then I realised I couldn't have both ear plugs and earphones in my ear at the same time...oh, the irony.

The REAL BCS Championship

There has been so much football over the past week or so that I almost forgot about the most important participants: the cheerleaders!

Often overlooked by zealous sports nuts, we should by no means ignore the contributions of these merry cutie-pies to their teams as well as to leering male fans.

So be a good citizen and vote for the only BCS championship that matters:

http://www.coedmagazine.com/sports/4625

"Groin"

And the name of my son's new Webkinz Spotted Frog is (drum roll please)......... GROIN!

What are Webkinz? They are small stuffed animals that can be played with in real life as well as online. Both of my kids, especially my daughter, log in to http://webkinz.com/ often. If you're unfamiliar with the Webkinz craze, then I can only assume you don't have young children. My daughter has 26 Webkinz; my son has 12 or 13.

Now...why my son named his frog "Groin" is anybody's guess. But he comes by his silliness honestly.

Seinfeld and Philosophy

Today I left the friendly confines and embarked on an unenviable journey to the following stores: Barnes & Noble, Old Navy, Game Stop, Target, Dillard's, and Sam's Club. No, I didn't want to do it, but gifts had to be returned. So I girded up my loins and went out on a cold and blustery day (my apologies to Winnie the Pooh). (By the way, Allen, I heard it was snowing in Asheville today...)

Anyway, at Barnes & Noble, I went straight for the philosophy section, as I always do. I was actually looking for books by the late Eastern mystic Osho, but I stumbled upon the intriguing title, Seinfeld and Philosophy. Of course, I had to pick that up.It's billed as "a book about Everything and Nothing!" I plan to share nuggets of Seinfeldian wisdom with you in the coming days.

Signed,

Independent Jeff

Busted!

I'm not one of those guys who wears funny t-shirts...you know, the ones with the cute, punny, or corny sayings on them. But I think I'm getting closer to being one of those guys. I love reading the hilarities on those shirts, and there are a few I would wear. There are the silly funny ones, and there are the offensively funny ones. I like both of them, but I know I'm not the type to wear the offensive ones. No, my style is more like these: http://bustedtees.com/.

My friend "Big Wayner" and I used to talk about buying and wearing those tees around. We had two ultimate faves among the rest:

1. the guy in the shirt and tie with fur covered "bear" arms..."The Second Amendment" http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/secondamendment/male


2. the guy's face with a full beard..."Beards...They Grow on You."http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/beards/male

If you find those funny, then check out their other shirts. There are legions. Are you a PlayStation "Guitar Hero"? Then here: http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/guitarhero/male

Are you Amish? Then you don't drink or drive. http://www.bustedtees.com/shirt/amish/male

Did you realise that George W. Bush has aides? Or that Everybody Loves Ramen? Or that Missouri Loves Company?

Let's make it our resolution this year to wear a funny shirt. Happy Festivus!